Thursday, July 21, 2005

The 29 requirements strike back.

Published on January of 2004, "The 29 Requirements" are my list of desireable characteristics in a mate. They were inspired by a journal entry I'd written a year before in the leather-bound book I keep next to by bed. It seemed like a silly exercise at the time, but in the following months, I found myself not wasting as much time dating men who didn't meet the requirements. No more would I spend five years living with a man who wasn't intelligent enough to discern the very complicated instructions on a washing machine at the neighborhood laundromat. The requirements include the obvious "must find me sexy" and the less understood "must not be afraid of bees."

Recently, I had a conversation with a young friend of mine. She's been having boy trouble. I said, "I think it's time for you to compose your own 29 requirements. You are old enough now."

She replied, "I have only two requirements. 1. He has to be intelligent. 2. He has to like me."

Without hesitation, I asked, "What if he was an atheist bisexual addicted to cough syrup?*"

She replied, "Well..." with a long explanation about how he could be godless but not bisexual and that he also had to respect his own life. Suddenly from two requirements, there were four. The conversation didn't go much further than that. But it was a nice reminder of how well the 29 requirements were to me, how they helped me to be patient and not waste my time on big fat losers who couldn't see the fabulous woman before them. These days, I'm dating a guy who so far meets 27 of the 29 requirements. He might meet #12, but I can't tell yet, and #18 is out of date.

* I've dated many atheists, one bisexual, and I was addicted to cough syrup last winter.


David said...

So.... what are these 29 requirements?

patbergschneider said...

Reading your words make me extremely happy that you are out in the world speaking with other women. Your intelligence and ability to think for yourself are quite wonderful. Much respect.

FemaleCSGradStudent said...

Many thanks, Pat. Let's just hope a few of them listen once in a while.

FemaleCSGradStudent said...

1. A friend.
2. Fair sense of cleanliness.
3. Intelligent. He must be smart enough to keep up with my jokes.
4. Sense of humor. Of course, it may be impossible to be as funny as my dad or brother, but jokes are incredibly important.
5. Strong sense of self. He must know who he is and where he wants to be in life.
6. Sense of style. White athletic socks and dockers should not be a staple in his wardrobe.
7. Respect for me and my opinions. What does it mean to respect? Keep promises, never speak in ill, call when tardy, be interested in my life and my life's story, agree to disagree.
8. Laid back. He must understand that life is not a race. He must be able to wait patiently in a busy restaurant and laugh when I do crazy things in public.
9. Passion. He must get fired up about some issues. He must be able to get angry.
10. He must find me sexy.
11. He must make love to me often.
12. He must have a willingness and commitment to father children, to sacrifice his career and himself to do so.
13. He must be able to tell stories.
14. He must want to listen to mine.
15. There should be no subject we cannot discuss.
16. He must like my dog.
17. He must like the outdoors.
18. He must have an ability to dance.
19. He must be able to appreciate $6 creme brule.
20. He must be able to talk me out of my tree.
21. Able to nurture me when I'm sick or down.
22. I should not be embarrased by him.
23. I should not want to change him yet I should be open if he does.
24. He must not be afraid of bees.
25. Spends more time with me than his cell phone, computer, or hand-held.
26. He must not drink to excess.
27. He must love independent women.
28. He must be able to fall in love with me.
29. He must be able to tell me so when he does.

FemaleCSGradStudent said...

Erm, let me rephrase that, Pat...let's hope a few of them listen when I'm actually saying something good.

patbergschneider said...

Well, just as long as you are speaking from a positive or realistic place in the manner which I know you usually speak, then nothing but good can come of it.