Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Theme Song

From the Miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Everything is everything
What is meant to be, will be
After winter, must come spring
Change, it comes eventually

I wrote these words for everyone
Who struggles in their youth
Who wont accept deception
Instead of what is truth
It seems we lose the game,
Before we even start to play
Who made these rules?
We're so confused
Easily led astray
Let me tell ya that
Everything is everything
Everything is everything
After winter, must come spring
Everything is everything

Sometimes it seems
We'll touch that dream
But things come slow or not at all
And the ones on top, wont make it stop
So convinced that they might fall
Lets love ourselves then we cant fail
To make a better situation
Tomorrow, our seeds will grow
All we need is dedication

Because it seems wrong to feel hopeless 6 days before my 31st birthday.


Leigh said...

You're in a crappy place. So was I, when I was in grad school. I was also 31 and thought my life was always going to suck.

Situations like that drain the life out of you. The head of my department thought I ought be home taking care of my daughters. Screw him. I completed the program in spite of him and went on to bigger and much, much better things. Came the day, a few years later, than his best students begged to come to work for me. And the daughters turned out just fine, thanks.

Got a great job, got rid of the first loser husband, married a human being, had twins and a great life, all between 31 and 36.

This will turn around! They're the asshats, not you, and once you shake the dust of the shithole from your feet life will be sweet again.


FemaleCSGradStudent said...

Fantastic motivation! I will get out. I will not burn myself with anger. I'm pacing myself, trying to stay calm, singing myself songs, working out, loving myself, and researching like a dog.

This will turn around.

And honestly, I've been up against much worst, just not for so long.

The luckiest part for me: I'm already shacked up with a fantastic human being. :)

FemaleCSGradStudent said...

Leigh. I bet your daughters are super cool.

Leigh said...

After I posted I read up on your sweetie. He does sound like a keeper!

You have a lot to look forward to. Kids are worth having, and it's very doable if your husband is fully evolved and does his half. Work/home is a balancing act, but two adults together can keep home and office running on all cylinders.

My girls are out of college and doing fine. Their "rebellion" has taken the form of being very conservative -- I'm very liberal -- but the oldest one shows signs of growing out of that!

The twins are 14. They are neat kids and this is a great age.

I am 51 and am finding this to be a very liberating age. I consult now, so my schedule is much less demanding. I garden, read and write, and also do landscaping for selected clients in addition to the IT work.

When I was 31, I could not have envisioned a day that I would be this happy. Maybe I had to go through those days so that I could appreciate the life I have now.