Dentists and I have a long history, starting with the moment I met my sadist orthodontist, Dr. Greenbaum. He had a lustful eye for my father's teamster's insurance, and demanded every possible procedure my little mouth would merit. At the end of it all, I had two surgeries, 10 months of head-gear, two years of braces, and a fake tooth.
Despite all that, I have the teeth of a 50 year old woman because I grind them. I grind during the day, and at night. Today's dentist demanded I get a "night guard" at a price of $263, none of which is covered by health insurance. As a result, I've decided to send a bill to each person who has contributed to grinding my teeth.
- Alan the professor. $54. For consistently answering questions during other people's presentations at research meetings.
- Mocra. $110. For not understanding the concept of "wire wrap gun" and multiple other offenses.
- Bartender at campus bar. $12. For referring to the women assisting with the barroom game as "Bingo Bitches."
- Advisor. $10. For delaying my prelim until I publish more papers.
I've no doubt I'll think of more. Maybe I'll be able to afford two of these things.